Unf*ck Yourself – Book Summary and Review

First of all, let me get one thing straight. After reading this book, I find it to be of the same vibe as so many other self help books or websites that you can find almost everywhere nowadays. There are some good tips, so novel ideas, but mostly nothing new (or probably it’s just because I have read too many of those similar materials elsewhere). I learnt something in the book, and refreshed some points that I had gone through before, and I managed to create some connections. So, in a way, it’s not total waste of time for me, and it will surely benefit those who are new to this genre. If you need some motivations to make changes in your daily life, you can just dive in, and gain something for yourself. I am pretty sure you can get something useful, and your life will at least improve a little, or at least you will feel like so.

Secondly, this is the first time I listened to a self help book instead of reading the book. I normally listened to novels, as they were longer and I did not really have to pause and take note, but this time I found the audio book and wanted to give it a try. The narrator’s voice and expression was quite interesting, and I love his accent and accentuation. So, for those lazy folks out there (like me), if you don’t want to carry the book around, go ahead and plug your head phone in, find the audio book and start enjoying it.

Now, to the summary part. Normally I don’t do this, especially for novels, as I hate spoilers and never want to become a spoiler myself. However, this is a self help book, and there is nothing to spoil there. Plus, for those who are really short of time, but still want to improve your lives, this is a baby step, a quick intro to the concepts, and if you like it, you can always go back to the original, full scale version. So, let’s dive in.

1. Your thoughts have power
   1. Your thoughts affect your feelings, and ultimately, your actions
   2. Your thoughts can even change the structure of your brain (neuro plasticity)
   3. Positive thoughts lead to positive perception of life, and increase the likelihood of achievements
   4. Be assertive instead of narrative i.e. use I am / I do instead of I will
   5. When you think of something long and hard enough, your brain will condition to pay attention to information that can help you advance towards that goal, and tune out other distractions
2. I am willing
   1. Willingness vs Unwillingness. Are you willing to change or Are you unwilling to continue living with the bad stuffs? Same question but different impact for different people. Ask yourself the question that spurs you most into actions
   2. Keep asserting that you are willing to change / unwilling to stay with the bad stuffs will help spur you into actions
   3. Have a goal in mind, then list out all the actions required to achieve that goal, and all the tradeoffs, sacrifices, inconveniences that you will encounter on the road to achieving that goal, then ask yourself: Are you willing?
      1. If the answer is yes, then go ahead, make the change NOW, and achieve the goal
      2. If the answer is no, then it’s not the right time yet, shelf the goal until later
   4. Repeat the same thought process every day, repeatedly, and that will drive all your actions of the day
3. I am wired to win
   1. We are survivors, we have all been there and done that and survived until now. That means we are all winners, at least in what we set out to do.
   2. 95% of the time, our actions are driven by our unconscious minds. So we should be conscious of what to do and what to achieve, so that we can reach our goal.
4. I’ve got this
   1. All your problems in life are solvable.
   2. If you cannot see the problem clearly, move back and back and further back, until you can see it clearly, with no emotion attached.
   3. Don’t let your problems affect other people in your life. They did not do anything to deserve that. The burden is yours, and only you can solve it.
   4. You’ve got this far in life. You can make it. Trust yourself.
   5. Solve each problem one by one. Don’t mix them up into a mess, it will become exponentially more difficult to solve.
5. I embrace uncertainty
   1. The only certain thing in life is uncertainty, and the universe is always moving from low entropy towards high entropy and creating chaos.
   2. You know nothing and the more you learn, the more you realise that there are unknowns and uncertainties.
   3. In uncertainty lies opportunities
   4. Changes always happen, so either you embrace it, or you will be left behind
   5. Start embracing uncertainty NOW, one action at a time: meet new people, do new things, make new connections…
6. I am not my thoughts, I am my actions
   1. Human by nature are scared of changes and want to maintain status quo. So your thoughts are more likely to direct you away from making changes in your lives.
   2. Negative thoughts hold you back, so you should ignore them and persist with your actions once you have committed to your goal and ensured that you are willing
7. I am relentless
   1. Success does not come easy. Failures are more likely, especially for new endeavours.
   2. Fail fast, learn from mistakes, and pivot, then press on with the actions. Be persistent.
8. I expect nothing and accept everything
   1. Unrealistic expectations, once not met, will lead to unhappiness.
   2. Life is uncertain, so expectations are more likely to be not met than met, especially high expectations of great achievements.
   3. Once you come up with the plan, take the necessary action, but do not set your expectations. In that way, you won’t be let down. Just check the result of your action, and act on it accordingly. Take it one step at a time, and you won’t be disappointed.
   4. Don’t expect things to happen the way you want them to be, they won’t. Instead, if you want something, take action to achieve it. Go for it. Say what you want. Ask for it. Don’t expect someone to read your mind and know what you want, and do it for you. That won’t happen.
9. You are going to die
   1. You will not regret what you did, but what you did not do
   2. You only have limited time, so stop delaying, stop procrastinating, and start living your life. Do the things that make you happy and bring you nearer to your goals.
   3. Tomorrow is uncertain, so act today.

In short:

ACT NOW. TODAY. NOT TOMORROW.